Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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