i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
as a side note pls kill me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
