Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
