she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
