Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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