They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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