you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
