Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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