what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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