Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
