piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
