bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
