if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dignity is for republicans.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
