pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
