Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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