I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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