oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
