Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
