the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
