the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
