Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
