I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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