Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics

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(386): View more from Florida

The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

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(415): View more from California

Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me

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(209): View more from California

His new job just became new places to have sex at.

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(914): View more from New York

Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you

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(404): View more from Georgia

He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.

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(585): View more from New York

just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it

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