i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
