Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize