party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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