Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
