Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
