I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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