Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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