paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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