That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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