He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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