Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
