p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
