This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
