Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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