i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
