If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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