things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
