I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
