My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
