if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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