mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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