Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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