So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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