I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
