How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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