This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
