My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
