Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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