Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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