i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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