Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
