Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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