i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
