She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
