Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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