Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
