Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
