I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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