It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
