I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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