Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
