Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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