oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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