I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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