then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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