You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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