erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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