i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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