Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
