My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
