god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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