so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
