Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
