We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
