I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
