Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
